when i died

When i died,
Will people ever weep for me?
Will they praise me with beautiful songs?
Will they remember me for all the good deeds that i've done?
Will they think of me, always,
as the girl who made them laugh,
who made them smile,
who made them cry,
who made them nervous,
who made them emotional,
who made them feel lost,
who made them fall in love?

Will people ever weep for me,
when i died?

love

"We are angels with single wings. The only way that we can fly is to hold onto each other."

Just saw the new entry in ShinYin's blog. And feel extremely, extremely disturbed. Well unlike ShinYin, I don't come from a family where EVERY man cheats. But I do come from one where... well, one man cheated... my Dad... three times. I supposed this is equally bad as ShinYin's case, isn't it?

Asked if I believe in love, my answer is... well I don't know. First of all, what is the definition of love?
Love is missing him?
Love is wanting to see him?
Love is a feeling of possession, wanting him all for myself?
Love is wanting him to be happy?
Love is willing to do anything for him?
Love is worrying about him whenever he drives in a sleepy condition?
Love is not wanting to be a burden for him?
Love is... a complicated feeling. I must say I haven't quite grasp the meaning of love. It's still very vague to me.

Asked if I believe that every man cheats, including my boyfriend, well I don't think he's cheating on me now but in the future, anything is possible. But as I'm saying this, I can't help believing in him. I mean, my mind would be divided into two sections - the emotional section; and the rational section. The former would tell me to believe whatever I hear; the latter would tell me to hold back my feelings, so that I don't get hurt easily. The emotional part always wins.

Asked if I would forgive my other half if he ever cheats on me... I used to think I can forgive this kind of thing, if and only if he tells me honestly before I find out myself. But now... I'm thinking... maybe not. I think I can never continue the relationship.

Maybe ShinYin is right. Maybe there is no such thing as love. Maybe it's just a term people made up, to console themselves. Maybe love only exist in Utopia. Maybe, just maybe.

Convocation

It is the day that reminded me that my life as a student had ended. The day I got to meet ALL my coursemates and reminisce the good old days together, for the last time. The day I got to visit UPM, probably for the last time as well. Yes, it is the day of my convocation ceremony. After the long hours in the hall and got our supposedly transcript and scroll and bla bla bla, by the time we got out it was already 5:30 p.m. We were busy taking pictures, entertaining our family and friends, there was barely enough time for us to look at each other's face, let alone exchange a few words. The only thing we have is our memory, and some photographs for remembrance. This blog entry is dedicated to all of you who had accompanied me throughout my ups and downs, bitter and sweet. May our friendship be forever. Cheers! ;)

Everyone is so happy. :)

I was on the phone with my juniors. They called up to find out where I was. They wanted to hand me the flowers and gifts. How sweet of them...

Yeah I was distracted. But YoYo could you NOT put your arm on my mortar?Poor Kok Chiang...

Lydia and Xiao Ming and me. :)

Manyee, my roommate for 3 years, and me. We're buddies.

Zilin and me.

Zilin and Hooi Fang and me! Wakakakakakaakaka.....

All of us. :)

Convocation gift from my big sister - a Doraemon graduate. How cute!

Though ShinYin, SukTeng, TzeYee and Audrey couldn't make it to my convo, I still got a bouquet of flowers from them. How sweet... :)

a day of MC...

It's a day after Deepavali and I'm on MC. I fell sick after the Melaka trip. Yeah I went Melaka during Deepavali. Will blog about the trip when I gather all the picutres. I'm feeling rather lost now. Maybe it's the carefree weekend without having to worry about anything, and I feel reluctant to go back to the reality... and think about the future. Maybe it's the MSN conversation I just had with Shin Tien, and I feel her loneliness... and also mine. Maybe it's the cough and flu medicine that I just took, and I'm sure they would cause some emotional side effects... Yeah, must be that...

Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea

"Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea" is Hayao Miyazaki's latest animation. Being a No. 1 fan of Miyazaki's, I had been anticipating the release of the DVD ever since I've heard of this movie. Finally having a chance to watch it, I'm sad to say it's kind of a disappointment.

The story itself is not attractive, neither is it captivating. At some points I found it difficult to concentrate on the progress. It's either because I have a very distracting movie companion or because of the movie itself.

The story is about... erm... a... mermaid, I supposed, named Ponyo who had, out of curiosity, ran away from home. She (though it was not obvious at the beginning that it's a female, but towards the end I suppose we can make that conclusion) met 5-year-old Sosuke and had taken a great liking to him. Meanwhile Ponyo's worried dad was looking for her to bring her back. And when he finally did, Ponyo declared her choice of becoming a human and live with Sosuke.

I feel that it is not convincing that the bond between Ponyo and Sosuke is very strong since there wasn't much elaboration in this matter. And yeah, the story sounds somewhat like "The Little Mermaid" from Walt Disney a number of years ago. But in this case, it's a love story between two 5-year-old kids! (If you can call that a love story...) I can't help thinking realistic... My movie companion also mentioned that there are many unexplained things.

Anyway maybe I should watch it again. It's possible that I've missed something. I mean, I didn't like "Howl's Moving Castle" that much the first time I watched it; and I don't expect anyone to produce another miracle like "Spirited Away". And for the rest of Miyazaki's fans out there, since you've watched all of his series, why not give this a try as well? Anyone wanna watch I'll be glad to lend it.

being happy

Like I said, my biggest failure in life, is that I am afraid to be happy. I guess I've finally decided to change for good. I'll start... say... by writing something less gloomy on my blog. So... here goes...

People say that the future lies in your hands. I believe it's more than that. I believe that a portion of it does lie in our hands; the other portion, is beyond our control. Or in a religious manner, it's in God's hands. What's important, is neither the future nor the past, it's the present. Enjoy the moment, live life to the fullest... These are things easier said than done. People spend too much time worrying about the future; and regretting the past, they fail to notice small little details around them... the apartment guard who greets you warmly every morning when you leave for work, your best friend who always listens when you tell her boring things like what you ate for lunch, the swing which always squeaks when you sit on it, the person who always notices whenever you feel unhappy and who is willing to go through so much trouble just to download a song that you like, the taste of the best dish in the world - mom's cooking, the soft "thank you" uttered by a pregnant lady when you offer her your seat in the LRT... When you have master the art of appreciation, you already possessed the key to happiness.

the saddest

I had recently discovered the reason I could never have happy thoughts, write happy things in my blog. I lack the courage to be happy.

I dare not have high expectations in myself, in people around me, in the world. Because I'm so afraid of having to be disappointed. So if I don't hope, there will be no disappointment.

There are many types of people living in this world. And I believe, I belong to the saddest, the most pathetic of all.

Is it time to let go?

Ampang Lookout Point

On the night of mid-autumn festival I went to Ampang Lookout Point. It's just a 30 minutes drive from my house, 20 minutes drive from Ampang Point. The map shown below is very accurate and reliable! If you can't find it, you are more geographically-blind than me. And I'd probably have to close down this blog (nah!).
There are restaurants with reasonable price. Though the food is not so nice but you get to enjoy the cool breeze and the beautiful scenery. There is also a observation tower where you can climb 3 levels of staircases to reach the top level and have a clear view of the city. When we reached the top it was totally packed with couples hugging and whispering to one another. There were like... around 10 pairs of them and they were behaving as if they live in their own world. I was slightly unhappy (or to better describe my feelings, "bu sun") by this and it was both funny and embarrassing at the same time.

It was my third time there and the coldest night of all three, as it was raining heavily that evening and it was still drizzling when we reached there. The main catch in that place is that it has a awesome night view of KL city.

Can't get enough of the beautiful scenes!

It is a nice place to hang out, whether you are with your family or your friends. One of my favourite places. Highly recommended!

Handicap

I am a handicap
I am unable to love
And therefore
I shall not be loved in return

Mirrors

I did not really have high expectations when I walked into the theater, to be honest. I figured this would just be another watch-and-forget movie. And I was right.

Mirrors is loosely based on a Korean horror movie in year 2003 - Into The Mirror. But except for the ending (and the mirrors of course), I can't find any resemblances. I would say both are equally bad.

Like any other conventional scary movies, the most important element to scare the viewers is... the sound effects. And yeah, I got scared, but it was not a creepy feeling, not the kind where after days of watching and you recall back the scenes you'd get goosebumps. And sadly, I don't remember the last horror film I saw that gave me this type of feeling and satisfaction.

There was a girl sitting next to me in the theater who was damn scared, kept hugging her boyfriend. This had disturbingly reminded me of a very bad experience I had when watching a ghost movie with a guy friend a very long time ago. So I made damn sure I don't repeat the same mistake with ZiLin, the guy I was watching this movie with. SukTeng, you know what I mean. And I'd like to assure you nothing dramatic happened.

And... Right, back to the movie. So there was blood, there were people dying horribly, there were ghosts suddenly popping up, there were mirrors, there were mysteries waiting to be solved and people to be saved... Up until 20 minutes before the movie ended, it was still acceptably frightening. But when a 60-year-old nun turned into a supposedly-possessed-by-demon-monster, it took me a great effort to choke back my laughter. I supposed the script just couldn't go on anymore but they simply had to put an end to the story. So this is where the monster conveniently came in. In a nutshell, if you have too much time to spend and too much money to waste, you are most welcome to watch Mirrors.