Saturday, November 29, 2008

when i died

When i died,
Will people ever weep for me?
Will they praise me with beautiful songs?
Will they remember me for all the good deeds that i've done?
Will they think of me, always,
as the girl who made them laugh,
who made them smile,
who made them cry,
who made them nervous,
who made them emotional,
who made them feel lost,
who made them fall in love?

Will people ever weep for me,
when i died?

Thursday, November 6, 2008


"We are angels with single wings. The only way that we can fly is to hold onto each other."

Just saw the new entry in ShinYin's blog. And feel extremely, extremely disturbed. Well unlike ShinYin, I don't come from a family where EVERY man cheats. But I do come from one where... well, one man cheated... my Dad... three times. I supposed this is equally bad as ShinYin's case, isn't it?

Asked if I believe in love, my answer is... well I don't know. First of all, what is the definition of love?
Love is missing him?
Love is wanting to see him?
Love is a feeling of possession, wanting him all for myself?
Love is wanting him to be happy?
Love is willing to do anything for him?
Love is worrying about him whenever he drives in a sleepy condition?
Love is not wanting to be a burden for him?
Love is... a complicated feeling. I must say I haven't quite grasp the meaning of love. It's still very vague to me.

Asked if I believe that every man cheats, including my boyfriend, well I don't think he's cheating on me now but in the future, anything is possible. But as I'm saying this, I can't help believing in him. I mean, my mind would be divided into two sections - the emotional section; and the rational section. The former would tell me to believe whatever I hear; the latter would tell me to hold back my feelings, so that I don't get hurt easily. The emotional part always wins.

Asked if I would forgive my other half if he ever cheats on me... I used to think I can forgive this kind of thing, if and only if he tells me honestly before I find out myself. But now... I'm thinking... maybe not. I think I can never continue the relationship.

Maybe ShinYin is right. Maybe there is no such thing as love. Maybe it's just a term people made up, to console themselves. Maybe love only exist in Utopia. Maybe, just maybe.