Fairy Tale

My fairy tale is embedded within a world of materialists

Everything I do is a function of my financial income

It is highly dependent on

My career

My boss

My monthly income

My financial stability

I have only a certain amount of say in

My ability to go for a vacation

My will to spend my weekends with loved ones

My desire for a new handphone, a GPS, a PlayStation

It affects almost everything

The financial limitation

The job requirement

It always comes first

Busy is a powerful word

It allows you to cancel a vacation

It allows you to be late for an appointment or a date

It allows you to not spend time with family, friends, loved ones

It allows you to not have proper meals

My fairy tale is embedded within a world of materialists

Cancellation

This is exactly what I mean when I say "the higher the expectations, the greater the disappointment"... I was just trying to protect myself from getting hurt...

Addicted to Unhappiness, Obssessed with Depression

I was looking through my older blog posts under the label Random Thoughts and I discovered, there are many many people who cared about me whenever I write something gloomy and dark on my blog. There are the usual ShinYin, ShinTien, Robinson Crusoe (I don't know what's your real name.); the occasional SukTeng, BoonLee, Audrey, Azita and; sometimes some rare people whom I have lost contact with for God knows how long.

To these people, I want to say thank you, for always be there to advise, to talk, to pay attention, and most importantly, to listen. I've always known you guys will never leave me.

I've also discovered an old post written about almost a year ago. It totally explains how I felt for the past few days. I thought I'd let go. But the truth is, I didn't. I'm not even sure I tried. I'm addicted to unhappiness, obssessed with depression, because I think it's safer that way. That way, I won't get hurt. Come to think of it, it's kind of a miracle that I've lived for 25 years and never attempt to commit suicide. I guess I lack the courage to do so.

"What kind of living condition you've been through to have this kind of thoughts? Normal people wouldn't think that way. Did you have a bad childhood memory or something?" I didn't know what to answer to that. I was pretty upset listening to this. I felt so helpless and... I didn't like it that way.

And I remember I promised myself to write more happy thoughts in the future. I guess that didn't really work out. =P

I feel that people are drifting away from me. Or rather, I'm drifting away from people. I wouldn't know. Friends, close friend, etc... I beg you for not abandoning me, and not giving up on me. That is all I ask...

Addiction

Things are definitely not going well. I've no idea what the hell I want, I've no idea what the hell I'm thinking. Am I asking too much? Am I not matured enough? Am I not meant to be loved, thus not meant to love? Or is it just that we're not meant to be?

I completely understand that I'm being very difficult. And I'm being a total bitch. And that if this persist, he will eventually get tired of me, and leave me. And I will end up alone. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to accept another again. So there you go, single forever. Well I'm not being a pessimist (although most of the time I am). I just know.

This is not what I want. Yet, I don't know why I keep doing this. It's as if... as if subconciously I want that to happen, I want him to leave me. Sometimes I know it's wrong but I can't help doing it. It's like... it's like you know alcohol, or cigarettes, or drugs are bad for health but you can't help craving it.

Addiction. That's what it is, I guess. I'm addicted to feeling unhappy.

p.s. ShinTien mentioned to me recently that my blog is lacking its soul. She commented that I haven't written anything dark these days. Well I certainly hope this is dark enough for her.

My First Document Submission

After working with my current company for 5 months, I submitted my first document to client today. That's my initials right there, HSL and the P&ID (piping and instrumentation diagram) was issued for client's comments.

Well technically, it's not my P&ID because it is not actually designed by me. All I did was revise the line sizes and piping class, update the design and control logic based on the Engineering Director and the client's requirement etc etc. And yes, I made dozens and dozens of mistakes. =(

A colleague told me that she has been working for 6 months (she came in 1 month earlier than me) and she hasn't even submitted even one single document. Well I guess I'm lucky enough to have at least one project in hand. Anyway I think it would be a good opportunity to introduce my work cubicle.

This is my view sitting on my desk. Every morning the very first thing I do when I reach office is to switch on my PC and check my mail.

This at the dark corner is, obviously, the dustbin.

This is my desk phone and my P&ID corner, where I dump all the A3 size papers.

This is the place where I file up everything. Only the first two files are occupied. The rest are all empty. =P

These are my personal stuffs corner. Oats for breakfasts, lotion for smooth and healthy hands, cup for oats and Nescafe, and drinking bottle to avoid dehydration.

Well that's about it. It's not a bad place to work actually. Except that directly on my left would be my boss' office. And when he look at his computer screen I always feel as if he was looking at me. Haha... But well he's a nice boss. ;)

Shogun, 1 Utama

Went to Shogun, 1 Utama for buffet dinner last Saturday.

Rate was RM60++ per pax.

Ya ya... Shogun...


Steamboat was served as per table.

The salmon in it was not very good. We practically didn't much of anything in the pot. The most we had was the soup. =P

This was give to us one serving per person. Had no idea what this is. Attempted to ask the waitress but she was not very informative.

Sushi!!!

The unagi was HUGE!!! Had two servings of this.

Scallop!!!

Scallop with cheese and mayonaise and don't-know-whats. Didn't really like this.

More scallops!!! DELICIOUS!!!

I'd already lost count of how many of these I had.

Yessssss... Scallop again...

Oysters!!! Served with lime, of course.

More oysters... I think I had five of them...

Snails. I had no idea why the hell they serve this. Do Japanese eat snails too, like the French?

Don't misunderstand. I only took one. Didn't have the courage to eat two.

That is me trying to dig out the edible part from inside the shell.

This is what it looks like without the shell.

Yucks... Nasty... It tasted as bad as it looked.

*vomit*

Lala soup. The lala was so bad I didn't eat any of them. The one in Saisaki tasted so much better.

Cod fish miso soup. This is not bad at all. Thumbs up!!!

Chawanmushi. This one is also bad. The egg was not smooth at all. I've tasted better ones.

*vomit*

Mango rice. The mango was fresh. I wished they'd serve only mango without the rice.

Ice cream. The one that looks like shit is green tea flavour, whilst the slightly better looking one is sweet corn flavour.

*vomit*

Last but not least, my all-time favourite drink - Milo.

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh...........

Honey green tea. Also my all-time favourite. =)

All you can eat. Summed up to RM138 for two pax including tax. Not very worth it, I would say.

I'd still prefer ala carte, considering that I'm not a big eater. Also, ala carte usually gives you better quality, although more costly.

Anyway, will be looking forward to my next Japanese ala carte meal. I'm thinking... second visit to Ikkyu perhaps. =P

Coraline

It's been a long time since I've seen an animation as good and as creative as this. From the director of Nightmare Before Christmas, Henry Selick, Coraline is another must-see, especially if you're a fan of Tim Burton's. Although Tim Burton did not participate in the making of this movie, Coraline somehow resembles some of his work - the genre of dark humour and fantasy.


Coraline is based on horror novel written by British author Neil Gaiman which was published in 2002. The movie quickly developed the characters and build up the tension at the very beginning. Coraline (voiced by Dakota Fanning) is a 11-year-old girl who detest her mom (voiced by Teri Hatcher) and dad, her new home, and her life. She discovered a secret door that leads her to another parallel world which is almost the same as her real life, only ten times better. Instead of her ignorant parents, she has the most loving parents; instead of the talkative Wybie, she has a mute Wybie (yesssss... mute); instead of boring neighbours, she has neighbours who invite her over to watch circus and stage play. It seems perfect... with only one tiny problem - she has to have buttons stitched on her eyes if she wants to stay there forever.

Yes I know it sounds totally creepy. And trust me, that's NOT the only creepy thing in the movie. I will refrain myself from revealing too much here though. It'd be a spoiler otherwise.


There's a character that I must introduce. I usually never really like the animals sidekick in an animation but this talking black cat (voiced by Keith David, whom I have no idea who that is), it's so cute!!! And wise. And funny. And cool.

Anyway, no matter how much I enjoyed watching Coraline, I am strongly against parents bringing children younger than 12 years old to watch it. It will only make them have nightmares every night for the rest of their lives. (Hehe...)

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Movie Review

I must say it's much better than the original short story written by F. Scott Fitzgerald. It's more detailed and refined. A very good script indeed. And the way the story was brought out was exactly what I had imagined. Not at all a disappointment.

I especially like the story told by Daisy at the beginning about a man who made a clock that went backward (counterclock wise), hoping to, in some way or another, reverse time and bring back his son who died in war.

It's the saddest story. It's the saddest way to live like Benjamin Button.

Inpiring Quotes:

You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You can swear and curse fate. But when it comes to the end, you have to let go.

We are meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us?

Life being what it is, a series of intercepting lines of incidents, out of anyone's control.

Will you still love me when I have acne, when I wet the bed, when I''m afraid what's up the stairs?

Loving you is worth everything to me.

when you have a busy boyfriend...

Moving from a student to a 9-to-5 based working adult, there are things that one needs to adjust and adapt. One major change you will soon notice is that you are going to lose a valuable thing that you never cherish as a student - time. Thus you will have less time to spend with your family, friends and of course, the most important person in your life.

To all the girls out there, if you have (or yet to have) a boyfriend who is as busy as a lazy giant pig, these guidelines are something you may want to refer. I should not say I'm very good at coping with this, but at least I have some experience.

Guide 1 : Have a life of your own

Have your own circle of friends, organize your own activities, go out and have fun! You should know that your world does not revolve around him. You are an independent individual and your job is not to stay home and wait for him to come, to call, to online. It's also important to let him know that you can still survive happily without him.

Guide 2 : Make him feel guilty

When you are a happy young lady it's time to make him feel guilty for dedicating all his time to work. Tell him once in a while (not too often) that he is not spending enough quality time with you but at the same time be understanding and caring. For example, say that "I know you're very busy at work but would you please spare 2 minutes in your day to call me and let me know that you're okay?". This, ladies, will make him melt. Or when he is less busy and actually reply your sms quickly, say this "Dear how come you're so free today? And you actually do reply my messages. I'm so happy I haven't have this kind of luxury for a very long time." Another suggestion is, always provide him something to eat when he comes back from work. When you control his stomach, you control him.

Guide 3 : Drop hints

When he is totally occupied with nourishing his own career and you can't take it any longer, drop hints to him that you need a time-out. For instance, you can forward him emails of air tickets promotion. I find this obvious and clear-cut, as all of you know, boys are insensitive and ignorant thus they can't get vague hints.

Guide 4 : Send him seductive/naughty sms

A friend once suggested to me that I do this. I have never try before, mind you. I repeat, I have NEVER try. Well the key is to send him messages like... I wouldn't want to give examples here but I bet you know what I mean. I heard it's very effective and its power is strong enough to make your boyfriend end up at your doorstep on a weekday night.

Guide 5 : Do not nag

This is a taboo. Guys hate it when you nag. They tend to avoid you and thus spending less time with you. Give him some room. He will come to you when he's ready.

Just remember, even if he spend less time with you, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you anymore. He may be too busy at work, or he may be just needing some space to breathe. Hope that the above guidelines will somehow help you get through this. Good luck!

rules of thumb to avoid being in DEEP SHIT at work

With my 11-month working experience, trust me when I say, the working world is cruel, inhuman, practical, and ferocious. When you're out there, you're on your own. Remember when you were in Standard One your English teacher would make you do corrections for the words that you wrongly spelled in the spelling bee. You would have to rewrite a certain word 10 times, for instance, just so you could remember it and not make the same mistakes. Remember in university/college when you did a calculation for the sizing of a vessel in an assignment and three days later you received it with a big red cross marked over it by your professor, saying that you used the wrong formula. And all you had to lose is a chance of getting an 'A' for this particular assignment and that's it. But when you're working, when you're out there, you're not allowed this kind of luxury. One single tiny mistake, it could make your company lose millions of Ringgits; it could be the end of your career; it could haunt you for the rest of your life.

Thus, it is important to know how not to get yourself into DEEP SHIT as well as how to get yourself out of it. Here are some rules of thumb that I use as my phylosophy while at work. It may not be useful for some, but for people who don't know anybetter, like me, it's a place to start.


Rule 1 : Always consult your direct superior
Do not jump status, i.e. do not directly deal with your boss' boss. Whenever you have questions, or you want to deliver your work, deal with your direct superior first. And whenever there is need to email your colleagues/clients/contractors, always c.c. your superior. This is important so that he keeps track of your progress and so that he can pull or save you out of DEEP SHIT before it's too late, especially if you're a freshie like me.

Rule 2 : Do not simply clear your inbox/outbox
Keep all your corresponding emails with colleagues/clients/contractors/boss. This is so that you can keep a record and also as proof/evidence as to what you were told to do. Also, if your colleague had verbally asked you to make some changes in your work, do insist that he send you an email and c.c. to your boss to make it official.

Rule 3 : Always be in good terms with your colleagues
You're there to work, not to make friends or enemies. Your colleagues, they're neither your friends nor foes. They're just colleagues. Be in good terms with them and it will make your life less miserable. And it wouldn't hurt to go out with them and have some fun once in a while. If there are a group of your colleagues gathering and talking bad behind people's (especially your boss') back, do not join in the conversation, and do not agree or disagree. Just smile and excuse yourself. This may save you from DEEP SHIT.

Rule 4 : Always be busy
Or at least, pretend to be. Your company didn't pay you so that you could chat in MSN, or check your personal emails, or do quizzes in Facebook. If you seriously do not have any work (especially freshies like me), do your own research. You can research about your company, the previous projects, SOP*, and many other technical information. You may not be able to learn up and absorb all of them, but it's at least better than just sitting around and making a bad impression to your boss.
Rule 5 : Ask
Whatever you do not know, ask. This is to avoid making mistakes. If you're told that the questions you ask are stupid or when there is someone refusing to answer your supposingly "stupid" question, do not get upset or put off by these people. Some people may think that they're so smart but no matter, let them think what they want. How they want to think of you is none of your business. So you might as well get on with your life. I'm sure there are other colleagues who are willing to be of help. Go to them instead. In time these people will know that you're not as stupid as they think you are.

Rule 6 : Never reveal about work-related stuff on the Internet
Do not talk about work in your Facebook status, your blog, your MSN status etc. Yes I'm blogging about work, which is why I'm being very careful. Examples of things that you should not mention on the Internet include: colleagues that you hate, bad things about your boss, things that you don't like about the company etc. You'll never know if your boss will be reading it.

There you go. These are what I can think of for the mean time. There are many more things to learn. You are welcome to add any other things or your personal experience in the comments. Good luck!

*SOP - Standard Operating Procedure